First of all: I did it! So often I struggle after Day 4 of any declaration, especially a commitment that turns inward. Whether it's attachment/insecurity, extroversion, Sagittarian nature, white supremacy, exhaustion, Mercury retrograde or self-sabotage: the behavior is that I pledge to open up to my creative energy and I diffuse it instead. This week has been a really great expression of easy commitment to creative practice. That's big, big, significant, deep. In.
It's also been really good to practice what it feels like to write poetry with commitment again. Every style of writing is different, yeah? And I spend a lot of time on academic writing, nonprofitese, scrawled and typed journals, and freewriting. The line between freewriting and poetry often feels abstract to me. But I am keeping my commitment to write from the energy that is creative and expressive. None of these distinctions really make sense (I know that). None of these boundaries are probably even necessary (I know that). But they are essential, for me, right now, to show myself and birth longer projects I've borne in my belly for way too long.
Limiting myself to two meta reflections! Here are some favorite lines from this week:
I bless that spirit of striving and denial.
I barter with myself. And I let that shit go.
my sluicing heart
Does it expand with the dawn?
Closure felt like safety
Let the self awareness not molt into lava'd rage
So much rage to loosen under the cellar
That was just, them, tried and loved
Tired and loved
I feel the skin of my ancestors that held that shame in lace
In coverture no longer
What’s my dower to myself?
Chopped. Ironed. Sweltering. Swollen.
Chosen. Token. Artful. Spoken.
No this deep shelter inside is a weapon of way
A weapon of war